


The Elder Gods Demand Tribute

by Goldstone_Wolf



Series: The Greenfeld-Spiers vs the World [4]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Family Lifr, Food mentions, Gen, M/M, Menstruation, Not much to tag here but lemme know if I missed anything, Rated T for period discussions, Shopping, Some Mild Kissing, Some Swearing (?), dangit i can't spell today, family life, inspired by a tumblr post I saw like forever ago and then some real world events, maybe? - Freeform, tws for:, uugggggghhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldstone_Wolf/pseuds/Goldstone_Wolf
Summary: Montana and Arizona have very different reactions to, ah…a particular week, even though they’re twins. Bram watches over them with Oreo. Meanwhile, Simon and the others get up to some mild shenanigans in a grocery store (if one could call it that).[YOU ONLY HAVE TO READ “A LOVELY NIGHT” FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE, “RAINBOW BABY” DOESN’T REALLY MATTER THAT MUCH]
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Series: The Greenfeld-Spiers vs the World [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668160
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	The Elder Gods Demand Tribute

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not dead I just haven’t watched “Love, Victor” but I swear I’m going to binge it all I just need a big ol’ pack of Oreos and to finish editing my current manuscript because the protagonists are all gay and I love it even more every second—  
> This is not the first time I decided to torture a character by having them experience something all those who are afab (and some who are not) have lived with and it’s not pleasant. Like, I’m pretty sure this is my third fic. They’re all a form of crackfics.  
> Anyways, this has to do with the other fics in this ’verse (if you want to skip the “commercial” chapters of Rainbow Baby, they’re chapters two and four, but it’s not necessary to read), so make sure you at least read “A Lovely Night” to get some context. Additionally, I don’t think anyone took it this way, but the dog’s name is Oreo because Simon and Bram (and me, to a different extent) really like Oreos, not for any other reason.

For identical twins, Montana and Arizona were very different.

Of course, Simon knew that was a given. Yes, the girls were twins, and they were lovely. But they weren’t going to be the same person just because they shared the same birthday. They didn’t like the same colours (it wasn’t sibling rivalry, when they were younger Montana very proudly announced that her favourite colour was blue and Arizona’s response was “then quit stealing pink Link on _Smash Bros._ he has multiple blue skins”). Montana liked blue, Arizona liked yellow. They didn’t like the same foods—Montana somehow couldn’t eat spice to save her life and Arizona ate hot Cheetos like she needed them to live. Which reminded him, he had to make sure that she wasn’t eating too many of them, because the doctor had mentioned they could possibly burn a hole in her stomach.

But that wasn’t why Simon was at the store (although he supposed if he forgot to buy them…no, she’d probably kill him. He’d seen Alice and Nora and his mother when they were like this and it had never been a good idea to screw with him. If he did now…he would never hear the end of it when Arizona called her grandmothers to complain). No, he was at the store because Arizona and Montana had been on a trip the month before and had completely run out of pads, and now they didn’t have any left and he needed to hurry before Bram was on his case. It’d be nice if Emily _and_ Milo _and_ Adrien weren’t _all_ sitting in the cart, though.

“Dad, let me push.” Shawn elbowed him to the side and Simon let him take over. Pushing, he added, “You just get the pads. I’ve seen Montana and Arizona normally, this won’t be fun.”

“Be nice, Shawn.” He grinned slyly back at Simon, who sighed and then turned back to the pads and mumbled to himself about prices. Pausing, he asked, “When did I turn into my mom?”

A few minutes later, they were walking down one of the salad aisles, picking up food as Emily read off the list she had memorized in her head while she played _Animal Crossing: New Horizons_ on the Switch. Meanwhile, Adrien and Milo weren’t too happy about it. “ _Emmmm,_ why won’t you let _us_ play?”

“Because I have been grinding out _so many Bells_ —Dad, remember to grab the kale salad and some baby carrots, ‘Zona screamed about it to me earlier—the _stupid-tanaki-buggers_ keep _scamming me out of my money and I’m not letting their corrupt version of capitalism win over me today.”_ She mashed some of the buttons, a very fierce expression painting her face, then added in a comedically calm tone, “Third shelf down under the rutabagas.”

“Thank you. Why are they there?”

“Weird store.”

“Why are _you_ capitalist? You’re twelve.” Milo pointed out, slouching in the cart. Emily glanced up at him, dark eyes glimmering brightly as she reached up to tuck some curls behind her ear.

“Because it’s—”

Before she could explain, Shawn smacked both of them on the back of their heads (lightly). “No economics in the grocery cart. It’s already an election year.”

_“Daaaasdd—_ ”

“If you don’t complain about the no economics rule I’ll let you get something from the Lego aisle.” Shawn jumped in before they could really complain. All three of the cart’s inhabitants perked up at that. With a sigh, Shawn turned to Simon and mused, “There can be limits, right?’

“Yes.”

Turning to them, Shawn widened his eyes and added, “You can get _one thing_ , and it has to be _under twenty-five dollars each._ Now shoo, all of you. Em, pause the game and leave it here, you’re just grinding out beetles?” She nodded, and he said, “I’ll make sure nothing bad happens.”

“You better not.”

The three of them left, and Simon turned to Shawn. “You can get something from the Lego aisle yourself.” He shrugged, and Simon pointed out, “You still have all your old ones on display, and don’t think I didn’t see you and Ryan making a stop-motion animation with them the other day.”

“Legos are for kids.”

“You’re a kid.”

“I’m seventeen, there’s a difference. Too old for toys and Legos anyways.”

Simon glanced at him, smiled sympathetically, and said, “You’re still a kid. Also, adulthood is a sham. Also, have you not seen _The Lego Movie?_ Or the amount of _Star Wars_ and musical memorabilia that your dad and I have around the house?”

“Yeah, you’re hoarders.”

“All humans are hoarders, we’re like dragons but scaleless.” Shawn shot him an amused look, and Simon took the time to look back over his grocery list. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Arizona and Montana would love it if you guys got them something to mess around with while they’re wanting to avoid everyone. If you got something for yourself…I’m sure they wouldn’t notice.” Shawn’s eyes _might_ have lit up a tiny bit, and he glanced after the others. Nudging his oldest in the shoulder, Simon said, “Don’t grow up too fast. The movies make it seem better and easier than it is, anyways.”

Taking a breath, Shawn went after his siblings, and Simon read off the list on his phone, grabbed the kale salad and some baby carrots, then went to the frozen foods aisle to find some Rocky Road and Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. And if he caught some Goliath beetles for Emily…well, no one needed to know about that.

+++

Montana walked into the living room where everyone else (excluding Arizona and the two kittens she was fostering) and promptly flopped on the couch by her dads.

Reaching over, Bram let her lay her head in his lap and gently started running his fingers through her hair. Simon shot her a sympathetic look and then started scooping out some of the ice cream into bowls. Milo and Adrien were busy playing with their new Minecraft Lego sets by the couch, Emily was still on _Animal Crossing_ , and Shawn was texting Ryan in between scrolling through either Ao3 or tumblr, slumped on the couch such a way that his feet were pressed against the ottoman and his legs were pretty much suspended in the air while his back was pressed flat to the couch seat. _I don’t know how he does it._

Oreo jumped up onto Montana’s back and then settled down, even though she was a German Shepherd and probably shouldn’t be on _anyone_ ’s back. “How do you feel?” Bram asked softly, and Montana replied by letting out a loud sob.

Without even glancing up from his phone, Shawn mused, “The Elder Gods demand tribute.” Simon shot him a scolding look, and Montana snorted once.

“The Elder Gods can kiss my—”

“Montana.” Bram shot her a scolding look, and then he and Simon exchanged a glance and chuckled. Meanwhile, Emily decided it was the perfect time to jump into the conversation.

“Gosh I hope I’m barren.”

“Do barren people even get periods?”

“I hope not.”

“Emily, don’t hope you’re barren.”

“Well I don’t want to pay for a hysterectomy—”

Slapping his hands on his knees, Simon announced, “And that’s enough about talking about barren people and hysterectomies, I think I’m going to go check on Arizona.” He kissed Bram on the cheek, then got up and started walking into the hallway. As he did, he heard Bram wolf-whistle after him and a familiar flush spread to his face so he turned and blew a kiss in his husband’s direction.

“ _Ew_ , _Dads_ , you’re so _gross._ ” Shawn said amongst a cluster of _“Dads”_ s.

When Simon walked into Arizona and Montana’s rooms, he gently knocked on the door and made sure he brought a whole popcorn bucket’s worth of snacks. There were little meows from their foster kittens—Reese’s, Snickers, Milky Way, Poptart, and Rotisserie Chicken (aka Roti, pronounced “Row-tee”). “Hey, ‘Zona. How you feelin’?’ He sat down on the bed by the mound of blankets where he was _pretty sure_ his daughter was.

There was a sob from the blankets. “ _There was enough room for, like, three people on the raft what the heck were they thinking? Is this why he didn’t get an Oscar—they thought his character was stupid?”_

“Do you want a hug?”

“ _No,_ I want my kittens and _food_. Preferably chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.”

“Well, if you can sit up I’ll give you the bucket but I don’t want the cats to get into it.” The mound of blankets rose and the five foster kittens (which he was pretty sure they were going to keep all of them) emerged from the hideout. Picking up the hefty chonk of a kitten that was Roti, Simon handed over the bucket of popcorn and smiled at Arizona as she rubbed at her nose. “Do you want the heating pad?”

“I want all of the heating pads.” Nodding, Simon set Roti down and let the fat orange tabby wander over to Reese’s. Or maybe it was Poptart—he wasn’t sure which was the chocolate tortoiseshell and which was the calico. He wasn’t even sure what the difference between the two _was_. He knew Milky Way was a brown tabby, and Snickers was a brown tabby with white patches, but he didn’t know the difference between the last two. (They were all siblings, found abandoned in a bucket at the animal shelter Arizona volunteered at. Snickers and Roti were the boys.)

“I will go get you _a_ heating pad, because I’m pretty sure Montana has the other one.”

“She can use it. I’ll fight her to the death later.” He turned and looked at her, and she said, “There can only be one sister. The Elder Gods demand tribute.”

“You have been hanging out with Shawn and Ryan too much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ending this here because I have a couple thousand words to write in another fandom (the fic itself was started October 26th and has since grown to be over 50,000 pages. It’s kind of scary this thing is nearly the length of my actual books). Also, I mean no offence by Emily’s “I hope I’m barren” comment, but I’m pretty sure she’s ace and that was a thought I, an ace person, had when I was younger and didn’t…realise I was trans. It’s one of those things you look back on and go “how the heck did I not realise I was a gay?”  
> Anyways, I have another fic I’m working on for this fandom but it may be a while in coming. Until then, thank you for reading. Y’all are loved and appreciated and awesome and amazing and I hope you have a lovely day.


End file.
